I think the way kids these days are phrasing it is “Just do you”. I could leave that right there and end this post right now, but I think some moms out there need a bit of a pep talk.
This headline may seem like I’m throwing shade at other moms, or I’m suggesting us mom shouldn’t stick together. That’s far from the truth. What we need to do is stop comparing ourselves to each other and stop loading on the mom guilt.
Ahh mom guilt, everyone has it, but we seldom admit it. Mom guilt has been around since the The Flintstones, but the challenge for a mom in 2017 is we just cant seem to avoid it. Everyday there’s some new “expert” telling u how to discipline our children, and suggesting that the method we’ve been using will cause serious phycological damage. Take your kid to a play group and every second mother is talking about the vegan, sugar free non GMO diet she has their kid on. That’s totally cool, personally I like to feed my daughter organic, but I have realized that is not sustainable 100% of the time. There are times when you shouldn’t feel guilty for allowing you child to eat a piece of Halloween candy. So you can go home and laugh off the do-gooder moms, and feed your kid a frozen dinner, but then you turn on your computer. Oh oh…That’s where your Facebook, Pinterest, and favourite blogs are flooding you with images of the “perfect mom”.
I have only been a mom for two years and already I have experienced shame, guilt, apprehensiveness, feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, and anxiety. All stemming from thoughts I had after comparing myself to other mothers. Luckily I have cool girl friends who are also moms (and also some who are not but still know whats up!!) and we call BULLSH*T on so much of whats going on here.
Funny how my mom never stayed up at night stressing over which cookie to bake and then photograph for the perfect Instagram post the next morning. Yet she raised 3 children who turned out fine, I think. So what is our generation doing wrong?
Here are just a few ways that moms in 2017 can drop some of that mom guilt. Feel free to comment below and share your opinion on any of these or suggest some others.
Busy Bee Syndrome: “Rise And Grind”. What about Rise And Have A Coffee Then Watch Tv For An Hour Then Take A Warm Bath??? **I’ll get to the tv debate later** Why are we so obsessed with being “busy”? Because you know, being busy means being successful. Actually, being overly busy just means you’re probably exhausted. I have no problem sharing the fact that I stayed in all day with my 2 year old. Let her run around sans pants and colour on our walls with crayons (then promptly clean it with a Magic Eraser) We shouldn’t have to always busy ourselves to avoid being labeled “lazy”. We don’t always have to be Supermom. What happened to just being MOM? Last time I checked that was pretty awesome on its own, no prefix necessary.
Post Baby-Body Discussions: Stop saying “I only have 5 more pounds to loose”. Also, don’t feel that you have to justify your food choices “Im PMS’ing thats why I’m having this ice cream “. Please, your lunch isn’t on trial, and you do not have to defend your body! It’s YOUR body, and everyone is different. We all know why we make these statements, we do it as a pre-emptive strike. You know, to make light of weight gain or to be the first one to bring up indulgent eating because we’re too worried about what the person sitting across from us is thinking. If the person sitting across from you is judging you for carrying some baby weight, stand up and no longer sit across from them. If you had a baby recently, like three months ago, or three years ago, just remember you made a life inside that body. No further comment.
“Dress Your Age”: Lately I’ve felt pressured into “dressing my age”. Only I am not sure of what it means to dress my age. What exactly should the wardrobe of a 33 year old consist of? There’s always talk of certain skirt hem lengths, or platform heels being forbidden. I say dress for your mood and your surroundings, not your age. That would be a more appropriate method of choosing your outfit every morning. You wouldn’t wear a short skirt to the park, but that doesn’t mean you can’t wear one on date night, or to a party. FYI, just because I’m married and have a kid, doesn’t mean I’m dead!
Screen-time Guilt: Ohh this is a good one **It’s time for that tv debate** I’m just going to say it, I allow my daughter to watch television. * allow time for collective gasp from readers* I do, but I limit it. She’s allowed to watch Teletubies and Caillou (FML) but I monitor the time she spends watching. And guess what, she friggin LOVES it, she smiles and dances around and learns words and phrases from these shows. Why wouldn’t I let her watch them? Are we too busy being Granola Moms that we have forgotten about Sesame Street? Yeah, that’s right, Sesame Street taught our generation basically everything. This was of course was back in the 80’s & 90’s back when television wasn’t the devil. Thankfully my parents taught me good study habits and cultivated my love for reading and writing. I somehow graduated from Law School, despite all that screen time.That’s what parenting is all about. Turning on the tv a few times a day doesn’t erase all your hard work as a parent.
Fear Of Failure: Really this is about feeling too guilty or embarrassed to ask for help. Taking into consideration all of the previous points, I’d say that us moms don’t want to admit when we are having a rough time. And this saddens me. It might be difficult to flat out tell another mom that you’re struggling with daily tasks or with motherhood in general. The alternative is to internalize it, live in guilt and not enjoy watching your children grown. No sarcasm, or jokes here. I just want to remind every mom that you’re doing a great job! And if you think otherwise I promise you there is a mother near by who feels the same. We should be reaching out to our fellow moms and not be judging them. If we were all more honest with each other and with ourselves, mom guilt wouldn’t exist. And trust me…
You wouldn’t give s SH*T about any other mom. You know what I mean.